


Give A Little More

by DirtiestGirlInAmerica



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-09
Updated: 2012-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-18 07:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtiestGirlInAmerica/pseuds/DirtiestGirlInAmerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I give you miles and miles and mountains and you ask for the sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give A Little More

I do everything for you, but it's never enough. I pay for things you want. I suck you off even when I'm not in the mood. But you always want more. I can't give you everything you want; I'm not perfect.

You ask me for money so you can buy your sister something for her birthday; I give you my entire pay check. But it's not enough, you say that you won't be able to get a good enough gift.

It's late on a Tuesday night, I need to get up early in the morning. You call and tell me that you're horny; we meet in the dugout and fuck. I tell you that I absolutely have to leave; you say I don't care about you. That night I get barely an hour of sleep, and nearly miss the alarm that I had set.

You text me and tell me to buy you a carton on cigarettes. You tell me to bring them to you now. I don't have much money left, I haven't gotten paid yet, so I buy the cheapest ones. I meet you under the El; you scream at me for buying the wrong brand.

It's the middle of the afternoon, the house is empty; I pull the little orange bottle out the other cabinet in the bathroom. I swipe a beer from the fridge and pull the small, nearly dull razor from it's hiding place behind my bed. I place the three items next to me on the rumpled sheets of the bed.

I look over at the crisp, white sheet of notebook paper sitting on the table against the wall. I sigh and open up the beer. I take a swig; twist the cap off the orange bottle. There are seven pills inside. They are Xanax; used to be mom's before she left.

I swallow one after another until the bottle is empty and the beer is all gone.

A short time later I feel the pills mixing with the booze; my head is getting fuzzy.

I've got to do do it; it's now or never.

I pick up the razor; drag it across my wrist. Blood oozes out; it's so bright. It makes me think of you.

The metal is slippery; I nearly drop it as I drag it across the opposite wrist.

I can't think straight; my head is so fuzzy; my vision is blurred.

My sister finds me, it's been hours. She is shocked, she doesn't scream or cry; she just stares at me.

My skin is already cold, and tinted blue. She get's the phone and calls for an ambulance; it's pointless, she knows I'm already dead. As she waits she spots the note. She picks it up; she reads it, hoping to find an explanation as to why I did it.

_I wasn't good enough._  
 _I never will be, I can't._  
 _You want so much._  
 _You never gave me anything._  
 _I loved you despite everything you'd ever done to me._  
 _You never cared about me._  
 _You broke me, but I stayed._  
 _I'm not perfect, I can't be._  
 _I can't give you everything that you want._  
 _Go find someone who can._

 

It confuses her; she doesn't understand who it is written for.

The ambulance arrives; they tell her I'm already gone. She nods and says, "I know."

As the ambulance drives away with me inside my cell phone rings; she answers it. Before she can speak you do; you say, "I'm horny, meet me in the dugout."

She drops the phone. She knows who the note was written for.

She breaks down; she cries for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short fic I wrote a while ago in the middle of the night. I find that this can work coming from either boy's POV although it does seem more like it is Ian that is "speaking" but when I wrote it, I actually intended on Mickey being the one. I almost never, ever, ever write in 1st person. Also please forgive me if the format of this is screwed up, this is my very first time posting here on ao3.


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